Ok firstly, where on earth did July go?! This year is flying past us and I am not entirely sure i'm ok with it. Although I was very much a fan of the hot weather we were gifted with, sadly it was not meant to last. However, that does mean we are getting closer to the Autumn and Winter months and means we can dig out or favourite thick, cosy jumper and super cute matching hat and scarves combo!
But not to get to far ahead of myself, I should reflect back on some of the products and items I was loving throughout the month of July, including a mixture of beauty, hair and miscellaneous objects.
Firstly, this summer weather meant the return of my fave summer lipsticks. One favourite in particular of mine is my Mac lipstick in the shade 'Morange'. This is an amplified finish lipstick in the most gorgeous orange/coral shade which is totally appropriate to wear in the summer. Perfect for bringing a pop of colour to my makeup look when i'm not overly adventures with my eyeshadows.
Continuing on in terms of makeup is my Morphe 35K eye shadow palette. Filled with a combination of matte and shimmer tones in colours of brown and blue this was a no brainer for me. This has been my absolute go to palette recently because the colours are so super pigmented, and they're not too scary for creating beautiful bronzed makeup looks for those summer nights.
I currently have to hair faves that i've reached for plenty of times throughout July for giving my hair both volume and texture. Firstly is the Rio tropical scented Colab dry shampoo. I love this for adding a bit more volume to my hair and making it not so flat on the top of my head. Also, it doesn't leave white marks in your hair like most dry shampoos tend to do. The other hair product is the Got2be beach matt mermaid look texturing salt spray. For those days where my hair just feels a bit limp on my shoulders it's great at adding a bit more texture and general oomph.
I've also had a recent skincare favourite that is sort of a rediscovery to be honest. It's actually been the Soap and Glory 'Peaches and Clean' cleanser. I used this religiously in the summer last year before discovering the Garnier Miceller cleansing water. But I ran out of that at the end of June and so looking for something new to take my makeup off with I rediscovered this product. I love it so much! The smell firstly is heavenly and it always leaves my skin feeling so soft afterwards. So 10/10 recommend.
One rather miscellaneous object i've loved and have been burning throughout July is my Yankee candle in the scent garden sweet pea. Now i'm not entirely sure why, but this smells sort of like watermelon to me? Which is probably why i've been loving it because firstly who doesn't love the smell of watermelon? But also, they're great snacks for the summer! Although I definitely wouldn't recommend trying to take a bite out of this candle....
That pretty much sums up my months favourites for this month! Hopefully the weather will warm up again throughout August so hopefully they'll be a couple more summer time favourites in my next monthly faves blogpost!
LucieAinsworth.XO
A blog about life, dance and general shenanigans.
Saturday, 6 August 2016
Monday, 27 June 2016
Donating My Hair!
I've been uhming and ahhing about cutting my hair for a while now because before i just couldn't bring myself to doing such a drastic change. However, a couple of months ago I watched a video by 'Fabulous Hannah' on youtube about how she did the same thing and it was the final push i needed to go ahead with it and donate my hair to the Little Princess Trust.
Before |
The Little Princess trust is a great charity where they use donated hair to create wigs for little boys and girls who have lost their hair due to cancer treatment. The charity is fairly well known as they have had celebrities such as Jessie J and Harry Styles donate their hair to them.
Honestly though, i'm so in love with it now and i would have never walked in to a hairdressers with that idea normally so i'm so glad i tried something knew and got over the fear of letting go.
If you feel like you might want to get involved or help the charity, check out their website below so find out how you can help.
As most girls will agree with me, my hair feels like part of who i am. It's been something to hide behind for years and you just become so used to it and how it works for you. Basically it's a security blanket. Especially with dance, it's so nice to know that you can do whatever with it and not have to worry. However i've been without change for so long and figured that i might as well kill two birds with one stone. Make a change and also get some good from it.
After |
My hair was long enough that it went past my bra strap and has been kept in a relatively good condition. Slight natural wave to it but nothing too drastic. In all i probably had about 9 or 10 inches to donate, which feels like a scary amount, but it's so reassuring to know that it is going to a good cause and that you are going to contribute to making a young childs day. The hairdresser literally tied it into a low ponytail, and then secured the end of it so that once it was cut it would stay together, and in a relatively swift movement, she cut it all of. I mean to be honest, i had definitely worked myself up about it in my head when in reality, it was actually nothing and it feels so good! After it was cut we shaped it and fixed it to a style that suited me and within probably 40 minutes, the whole process was over!
To be eligible to donate your hair to the Little Princess Trust you have to:
- Have at least 7 inches to donate so that it can be mixed with hair similar to create 1 wig.
- Be a natural colour, whether this is dyed or un dyed.
- Be in good condition, if we don't want to have split ends, neither does a little boy or girl.
Monday, 13 June 2016
Quick Grab Summer Essentials
So it seems as if this British Summer is actually holding up! (touch wood...) And in times like this, all care for essentials goes out the window as I try to make the most of this sunshine and relax, forgetting about all the important things.
However, I am here to remind myself (and you!) of the essentials we need to remember when the weather heats up and the sun makes an appearance.
1. Water. Ok, this seems obvious, but I know that I personally, when given the choice, will opt for an ice cold can of coke over a bottle of water, thinking that it will be better to quench my thirst, but staying hydrated is literally the most important thing! We often forget how key it is in this weather, because we are hardly lucky enough to have it. So just think, if you're thirsty, try to pick up that bottle of water instead of the sugary drink. It will do wonders for you!
2. Lip balm is so key in this heat. Most people think that you only really need it in winter, as that's when your lips tend to get most chapped, but actually, your lips can get sunburnt too! When looking for a lip balm however, go towards something with added SPF protection in it, rather than just your favourite strawberry scented one offering you no protection.
3. Suncream. Again, obvious as it may seem, people tend to go without it. Now, i'm all for lying in the sun all day attempting to get a tan, but you can still do this even with suncream! The key thing its protecting you against in skin cancer. So please don't skim out on it so you can become a bronzed goddess, or a deep shade of red in my case....
Ok, so now for the not so health wise essentials, but like, they can't do you any harm to have right?;)
1. A fruity scented perfume/body spray! What better way to feel like summer all the time, especially if it starts to rain, then when you constantly smell like sweet smelling goodness. There's some lovely ones about, but my favourites for summer are
2. Floral patterned anything. Like, there isn't much to say really except that they're cute, and totally appropriate for this time of year!
3. Cute swimwear. Whether it's to take on holiday to lounge about in the pool, or to sunbathe in your garden, it doesn't hurt to have! Plus if it's something you like or feel good in, it will boost your body confidence making you feel happier.
Hope this was helpful or at least encouraged you to go out and purchase some cute summer sun wear!
Lucie xo
However, I am here to remind myself (and you!) of the essentials we need to remember when the weather heats up and the sun makes an appearance.
1. Water. Ok, this seems obvious, but I know that I personally, when given the choice, will opt for an ice cold can of coke over a bottle of water, thinking that it will be better to quench my thirst, but staying hydrated is literally the most important thing! We often forget how key it is in this weather, because we are hardly lucky enough to have it. So just think, if you're thirsty, try to pick up that bottle of water instead of the sugary drink. It will do wonders for you!
2. Lip balm is so key in this heat. Most people think that you only really need it in winter, as that's when your lips tend to get most chapped, but actually, your lips can get sunburnt too! When looking for a lip balm however, go towards something with added SPF protection in it, rather than just your favourite strawberry scented one offering you no protection.
3. Suncream. Again, obvious as it may seem, people tend to go without it. Now, i'm all for lying in the sun all day attempting to get a tan, but you can still do this even with suncream! The key thing its protecting you against in skin cancer. So please don't skim out on it so you can become a bronzed goddess, or a deep shade of red in my case....
Ok, so now for the not so health wise essentials, but like, they can't do you any harm to have right?;)
1. A fruity scented perfume/body spray! What better way to feel like summer all the time, especially if it starts to rain, then when you constantly smell like sweet smelling goodness. There's some lovely ones about, but my favourites for summer are
2. Floral patterned anything. Like, there isn't much to say really except that they're cute, and totally appropriate for this time of year!
3. Cute swimwear. Whether it's to take on holiday to lounge about in the pool, or to sunbathe in your garden, it doesn't hurt to have! Plus if it's something you like or feel good in, it will boost your body confidence making you feel happier.
Hope this was helpful or at least encouraged you to go out and purchase some cute summer sun wear!
Lucie xo
Monday, 6 June 2016
My Life In A Dance Week
Life is stressful for a 19 year old girl in the middle of her A Levels who also dances four times a week, and although sometimes I would rather curl up in a ball and sleep all day, I couldn't think of anything I would rather be doing than dancing. So this post is a little different from my others but I hope you enjoy it all the same!
I go to class four times a week, doing a mixture of dancing for myself and being somewhat a classroom assistant. This combination allows me to progress in my own capability, but also learn how to take on more of a teaching role, including how to deal with the kids, how to go about teaching them new steps, and knowing how to react in certain situations. So basically in this blog i'm going to talk you through what I get up to in a usual dance week, and why "sorry I can't, I have dance" is a valid excuse to get out of things!
And then on a Tuesday evening from 5-6:30 I have my outside of school dance. Our dance school is focused mainly on exams which help us with our teaching, but we also do show work and have recently been involved in competitions. But my Tuesday class is for the exam group below me, so even though i've already taken the exam, it's nice to go and be able to work on my technique and strength.
And then from 6:15-8 I dance with the Advanced 2 students. Again, it's mostly so I can work on my technique and strength, but also I get to try more stuff and new moves so it's fun to do.
This is mostly it for my dance week, but is subject to change at different points in the year if we have a show, or small performances/competitions. But I hope people now understand how busy I actually am and realise that I can't just miss a dance class because all of them are equally important!!
Lucie xo
I go to class four times a week, doing a mixture of dancing for myself and being somewhat a classroom assistant. This combination allows me to progress in my own capability, but also learn how to take on more of a teaching role, including how to deal with the kids, how to go about teaching them new steps, and knowing how to react in certain situations. So basically in this blog i'm going to talk you through what I get up to in a usual dance week, and why "sorry I can't, I have dance" is a valid excuse to get out of things!
Tuesday:
So my usual dance week will start of on a Tuesday at school. I study A level dance as one of my options so I will have an hour and a half lesson either theory or practical based focusing on our academic exam. If it's practical based we will be working on our solo and group pieces, but if it's theory based, we focus on the works of Alvin Ailey and West Side Story. However because we have completed our practical exams this year, we've only really focused on the theory elements of the course.And then on a Tuesday evening from 5-6:30 I have my outside of school dance. Our dance school is focused mainly on exams which help us with our teaching, but we also do show work and have recently been involved in competitions. But my Tuesday class is for the exam group below me, so even though i've already taken the exam, it's nice to go and be able to work on my technique and strength.
Wednesday:
On a Wednesday I am a classroom assistant for the groups primary ballet to grade 1 ballet from 4:30-6:15. So I mostly stand at the front of class and demonstrate for them and give them someone to watch whilst they practise. Recently i've tried to help out more by teaching them different exercises, but i've mostly been working a lot more on my confidence around them. It's also helpful being with this class because when you go back to basics with them, it improves your technique because you have to make sure you're executing everything properly for them.And then from 6:15-8 I dance with the Advanced 2 students. Again, it's mostly so I can work on my technique and strength, but also I get to try more stuff and new moves so it's fun to do.
Thursday:
Thursday is the same as Tuesday school wise where I have an hour and half lesson centred either around practical or theory based on the exam specification.Friday:
I have a dance lesson at school again on this day but my outside of school dance is my main focus where I dance from 5-8. In this class we focus on our ballet exam work including half an hour of pointe work, and then we have an hour of class where we either focus on contemporary/modern jazz or show work (depending if there is a show at this point in the year). This is my most important class because it's focused on the exam work for my ability and is at my level.Saturday:
On a Saturday i'm usually at dance from about 11-2. For the first 45 minutes we'll have a pointe work class for the grade above mine, and then until 1:30 i'll go into the spare room to work on my own grade work as extra practise. 1:30-2 is a beginners tap class which is for the younger students. However, I really enjoy tap (even though i'm not very good!) so I join in with them, or stand at the front to help demonstrate.This is mostly it for my dance week, but is subject to change at different points in the year if we have a show, or small performances/competitions. But I hope people now understand how busy I actually am and realise that I can't just miss a dance class because all of them are equally important!!
Lucie xo
Monday, 9 May 2016
Summer Makeup Look
At last, our April showers are over and May has graced us with a pleasant and very much welcome, warm summer (at least in Britain it has). I for one, thought the gloom and grey that we've witnessed all year was going to last an eternity and can only pray that it will hang around for a bit as Summer is by far my favourite season.
And along with this warmer weather comes a change up in my makeup look. Long gone are the warm berry tones and deep reds of Winter, and instead I am replacing these with neutral bronzes and bright pastel colours to welcome the Summer.
I tend to suffer with quite bad skin, (which is ok i'm only 19 so my body is still changing and hopefully it will reach a happy place soon!) so I am always looking for a high coverage makeup look, but without wanting to cake my face, because we all know that it will just melt off anyway! So these products below are ones that have worked really well for me and so maybe you'll try them out and love them too!
Firstly I use the Maybelline Baby Skin Instant Pore Eraser. I always use a primer anyway no matter the weather or season anyway because I find it so much easier to apply my base makeup, but this one is one of my faves. It comes out in a clear, gel like consistency, applying smoothly over the face to create a smooth base for your makeup.
The foundation i've been loving in this weather is the Mac Pro Longwear. I wear mine in the shade NW15 because I don't tan all that well, but when I do I can always bronze up my face to make the shade suit me. It also has SPF 10 in it, so although not high sun protection, it is there. The medium coverage it gives is perfect and doesn't feel at all heavy on the skin.
I opt for two different concealers on my face, one to brighten and one to cover any blemishes. Firstly the Maybelline Anti-age Eraser Eye. (which has been well and truly loved and is running dangerously low) It perfectly brightens the dark circles under my eyes from late night Netflix binging and is so easy to blend out. And then I use the Seventeen Stay Time concealer. This is a fairly new purchase for me, however the coverage is so good and I can't find any faults in it!
I don't wear a powder in this warmer weather as I prefer my makeup to look dewy on my face, but I do use bronzer and blush. I bronze/light contour using my Maybelline Master Sculpt. I use the medium/dark one because I don't want it to be too subtle and love the colour of it. It also comes with a highlight, however I tend not to use it very much, although it is still really good. And then for blush I use one by sleek in the shade Rose Gold, which looks identical to Nars Orgasm, except it's a fraction of the price! it also has a lovely shimmer to it which gives a lovely glow to your cheeks in the sun. And then on top of my already glowing cheeks, I use the Mac Mineralize Skin Finish in Lightscapade. This is my all time favourite highlighter giving the most gorgeous glow to the tops of your cheek bones.
Most of the makeup palettes I own consist of mainly dark colours as I am yet to update myself yet, but I've been loving the Urban Decay Naked 3 palette this time of year for their mix of rose and copper shimmer/matte shades. The colours blend so easily and look gorgeous with this makeup look. And on my actual eyelashes I use the Benefit Roller Lash, which to be honest, I use every single day anyway. This is by far my favourite mascara ever and is totally worth the price so if you don't have it already I would seriously consider purchasing it.
I finish of my look with a Mac lipstick in Peach Blossom which is a cremesheen finish. Such a lovely peach shade with a slight shimmer finish with is very simple but effective. But the overall look is finished with my Urban Decay All Nighter setting spray, and it does exactly what it says on the bottle, it really does hold your makeup in place all day. It also completes my dewy makeup look and stops my makeup from melting off so its a win win!
So yeah, if you were every wandering what products I'm wearing on my face over the next couple of months it is more than likely this combination!
Lucie xo
And along with this warmer weather comes a change up in my makeup look. Long gone are the warm berry tones and deep reds of Winter, and instead I am replacing these with neutral bronzes and bright pastel colours to welcome the Summer.
I tend to suffer with quite bad skin, (which is ok i'm only 19 so my body is still changing and hopefully it will reach a happy place soon!) so I am always looking for a high coverage makeup look, but without wanting to cake my face, because we all know that it will just melt off anyway! So these products below are ones that have worked really well for me and so maybe you'll try them out and love them too!
Firstly I use the Maybelline Baby Skin Instant Pore Eraser. I always use a primer anyway no matter the weather or season anyway because I find it so much easier to apply my base makeup, but this one is one of my faves. It comes out in a clear, gel like consistency, applying smoothly over the face to create a smooth base for your makeup.
The foundation i've been loving in this weather is the Mac Pro Longwear. I wear mine in the shade NW15 because I don't tan all that well, but when I do I can always bronze up my face to make the shade suit me. It also has SPF 10 in it, so although not high sun protection, it is there. The medium coverage it gives is perfect and doesn't feel at all heavy on the skin.
I opt for two different concealers on my face, one to brighten and one to cover any blemishes. Firstly the Maybelline Anti-age Eraser Eye. (which has been well and truly loved and is running dangerously low) It perfectly brightens the dark circles under my eyes from late night Netflix binging and is so easy to blend out. And then I use the Seventeen Stay Time concealer. This is a fairly new purchase for me, however the coverage is so good and I can't find any faults in it!
I don't wear a powder in this warmer weather as I prefer my makeup to look dewy on my face, but I do use bronzer and blush. I bronze/light contour using my Maybelline Master Sculpt. I use the medium/dark one because I don't want it to be too subtle and love the colour of it. It also comes with a highlight, however I tend not to use it very much, although it is still really good. And then for blush I use one by sleek in the shade Rose Gold, which looks identical to Nars Orgasm, except it's a fraction of the price! it also has a lovely shimmer to it which gives a lovely glow to your cheeks in the sun. And then on top of my already glowing cheeks, I use the Mac Mineralize Skin Finish in Lightscapade. This is my all time favourite highlighter giving the most gorgeous glow to the tops of your cheek bones.
Most of the makeup palettes I own consist of mainly dark colours as I am yet to update myself yet, but I've been loving the Urban Decay Naked 3 palette this time of year for their mix of rose and copper shimmer/matte shades. The colours blend so easily and look gorgeous with this makeup look. And on my actual eyelashes I use the Benefit Roller Lash, which to be honest, I use every single day anyway. This is by far my favourite mascara ever and is totally worth the price so if you don't have it already I would seriously consider purchasing it.
I finish of my look with a Mac lipstick in Peach Blossom which is a cremesheen finish. Such a lovely peach shade with a slight shimmer finish with is very simple but effective. But the overall look is finished with my Urban Decay All Nighter setting spray, and it does exactly what it says on the bottle, it really does hold your makeup in place all day. It also completes my dewy makeup look and stops my makeup from melting off so its a win win!
So yeah, if you were every wandering what products I'm wearing on my face over the next couple of months it is more than likely this combination!
Lucie xo
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Monday, 2 May 2016
Summer Ambitions
As if it's all happened in the blink of an eye another school year is coming to an end. For me this means my last exams at school will be finished with, and I need to take a long hard think about what I want to pursue in September, whether that be uni, and apprenticeship or even full time work. However for a lot of you this may not be the case, I imagine most of you will either have GCSEs or perhaps no exams it's just the end of another school year. I know a lot of people will say that GCSEs aren't hard and you have no reason to complain, or that they're not important once you've done them, and although in some situations this could be the case, just remember that for now, this is what you need to be focusing on as you've worked so hard for it. But also, these exams aren't the be all and end all for you, so don't work yourself too hard on this and don't make yourself super stressed out that it's all you can think about. At the end of the day, your health is worth a lot more than these qualifications.
However, for now I just want to take the time to talk about what I want to achieve this summer and where I imagine I will be at the end of August.
Firstly, I would love to have as many fun days out as humanly possible this summer. I don't want just the expensive kind either, I want to be able to spend days at the park with my friends, eating food and listening to feel good music. I want to be able to laugh in the sun and lounge about and not feel the stress of results day looming. Just give myself a chance to relax after this exam season. But I most importantly want to make memories. I would love to see if my little toaster on wheels could make it to the beach with my friends, and even if it doesn't, be able to laugh about how we've broken down on the side of the motorway! I just want to have fun.
I would love to find a comfortable full time job for the summer as well that I really do enjoy going to, or at least enjoy the majority of the days i have to go there, as I know that it's very difficult to find a job you truly love doing and enjoy waking up everyday for. I need to start saving my money and actually try putting some aside. Whether this be for university, or just if i'm feeling down and need to treat myself to a new makeup purchase, I just need to be better at saying money!
I want to meet new people. I want to take the chance to speak to someone I haven't before, or truly get to know them in a way I don't know someone all ready. I would hope that I have been able to meet new people and make friends within the blogging and youtube community and be able to collaborate and share ideas and find people that I share interests with and have lots in common. That would be the coolest thing.
Finally, I want to be keeping up with my blog and youtube channel regularly, and making people smile and seeing people actually enjoy my content and what I have to say. I would love to know that what I am saying is impacting people or helping them, you know?
So that's it really. Nothing too extreme or over the top. Just goals that feel achievable to me, and ones that I would be more than happy with if I could complete at least one of them. Just live more and be happy.
Tuesday, 26 April 2016
Being Positive
So it seems this is becoming a bit of a pattern now for me to not blog for ages and then just upload one randomly, apologising for not keeping it up, but i want to explain a little bit first.
Cutting straight to the point and not in any way expecting a pity party at all, but i've been having a really rubbish time in life since about October because i've been making a lot of silly mistakes and not really thinking about my actions or how they will affect me in the long run. But building up to now, it's all gotten a lot for me to handle to be honest and so I just need to speak about it because i feel that the first way for me personally to move on with it is to just accept that it's happened and learn from my mistakes.
Obviously i won't go into details about it all because i'm working on moving past it and obviously having all the in depth details on the internet forever is not the way to do that.
But basically i feel like i have been trying a lot to please other people around me rather than focusing on myself recently because i'm the type of person who hates it if other people don't like me or i feel like i'm disappointing someone. However you can't please everyone all at the same time and so obviously you are going to end up hurting people, its inevitable. But i've been looking for ways to make myself happy in completely the wrong way. I've been seeking comfort in all the wrong things, and yes, although it may feel good at the time, and you think you are happy, you're really not because at the end of the day, you're the one just trying to please and not remembering to look after yourself. And building up to all of this, i've been getting more and more upset, and with exam stress and uni applications piling up i've been trying to contain everything rather than speak about it. In the process i've pushed away those closest to me and others who are close to me have felt like they need to distance themselves because they don't know how to deal with it. Which i completely understand. Other people have their own problems and worries to deal with, and no matter how big or even insignificant they feel to you, they could be deeply affecting the other person. And so i've tried to make myself more aware of this and be more comforting to others, and i'm working on fixing these relationships and getting them back to where they were because these people in my life i appreciate so much and don't know how I would deal with all of this if i didn't have them and their support.
But I don't want this post to remain entirely negative, I want to list all the positive things I have in my life and be able to look back on this to hopefully see how far i've come, and i'm remaining optimistic.
1. I have good health. I am fit and young and healthy and able to do stuff that a lot of people, even my age, would not be able to do. I am thankful to be able to dance, and walk and run and express my feelings and I am happy that I can do all this with the people I love most.
2. I have such a loving community around me. The support I have from a number of people is overwhelming as I never felt like I had this many people who care about me. At times I feel incredibly alone in such a huge world and often feel like I have no one to turn to, but I need to remember there are so many people in my life who love, support and appreciate me and I need to remember that.
3. I am in a good position. Although I don't know exactly what I want to do after I have finished my a levels and left school this summer, I have so much time to decide and there are so many possibilities out there. All I can do is work hard in school and work hard for my a levels and then just wok out where to go from there. University is not the be all and end all, and if I don't and up there this year then thats ok. I still have my whole life ahead of me, i'm still so young.
Although this has been a rocky few months for me, I am working hard on feeling happier and taking care of myself, and i'm looking forward to the future and seeing what it holds for me.
Cutting straight to the point and not in any way expecting a pity party at all, but i've been having a really rubbish time in life since about October because i've been making a lot of silly mistakes and not really thinking about my actions or how they will affect me in the long run. But building up to now, it's all gotten a lot for me to handle to be honest and so I just need to speak about it because i feel that the first way for me personally to move on with it is to just accept that it's happened and learn from my mistakes.
Obviously i won't go into details about it all because i'm working on moving past it and obviously having all the in depth details on the internet forever is not the way to do that.
But basically i feel like i have been trying a lot to please other people around me rather than focusing on myself recently because i'm the type of person who hates it if other people don't like me or i feel like i'm disappointing someone. However you can't please everyone all at the same time and so obviously you are going to end up hurting people, its inevitable. But i've been looking for ways to make myself happy in completely the wrong way. I've been seeking comfort in all the wrong things, and yes, although it may feel good at the time, and you think you are happy, you're really not because at the end of the day, you're the one just trying to please and not remembering to look after yourself. And building up to all of this, i've been getting more and more upset, and with exam stress and uni applications piling up i've been trying to contain everything rather than speak about it. In the process i've pushed away those closest to me and others who are close to me have felt like they need to distance themselves because they don't know how to deal with it. Which i completely understand. Other people have their own problems and worries to deal with, and no matter how big or even insignificant they feel to you, they could be deeply affecting the other person. And so i've tried to make myself more aware of this and be more comforting to others, and i'm working on fixing these relationships and getting them back to where they were because these people in my life i appreciate so much and don't know how I would deal with all of this if i didn't have them and their support.
But I don't want this post to remain entirely negative, I want to list all the positive things I have in my life and be able to look back on this to hopefully see how far i've come, and i'm remaining optimistic.
1. I have good health. I am fit and young and healthy and able to do stuff that a lot of people, even my age, would not be able to do. I am thankful to be able to dance, and walk and run and express my feelings and I am happy that I can do all this with the people I love most.
2. I have such a loving community around me. The support I have from a number of people is overwhelming as I never felt like I had this many people who care about me. At times I feel incredibly alone in such a huge world and often feel like I have no one to turn to, but I need to remember there are so many people in my life who love, support and appreciate me and I need to remember that.
3. I am in a good position. Although I don't know exactly what I want to do after I have finished my a levels and left school this summer, I have so much time to decide and there are so many possibilities out there. All I can do is work hard in school and work hard for my a levels and then just wok out where to go from there. University is not the be all and end all, and if I don't and up there this year then thats ok. I still have my whole life ahead of me, i'm still so young.
Although this has been a rocky few months for me, I am working hard on feeling happier and taking care of myself, and i'm looking forward to the future and seeing what it holds for me.
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